Er....ehm....eh?

There are 4-5 groups that get together in the city where people meet up just to speak English. I've enlisted with all of them and the past week I attended meetings of two amongst the five. The first one is a large-ish organization of non-German women in the city though there are plenty of German members. I think the average age was 55 (I am 24) and even though I never plan to ever EVER attend another one of their meetings, I know now where to find mother figures. And good food. The free kind. More importantly, the kind that doesn't involve me cooking. They're all sweet women but as one of them put it for me, 'You're single? Oh.......furrowed brows..........Most of us moved here because of our husbands.' Which is when I furrowed my brows and thought to myself, 'Hobo meri jaan cut le yahan se. Clearly this isn't the place for you.......o lookie chocolate cookie.' I had 2 chocolate cookies and stuffed three in my pockets and then got cornered by Frau Halitosis. Of course I obligingly accepted the membership forms from her, patiently heard her whole spiel about the group and even obediently noted down her address so that I could mail my forms to her and then the moment her attention was diverted, I left. Fast enough to leave skid marks. Sorry Mamas but this little bird's fallen out of her nest and she's got to put these wings to test. Love you all and keep knitting those lovely sweaters!

The other is an informal group of non-native English speakers who meet bi-monthly at this bar and just talk, but in English. I wouldn't say I met FUN people there. In fact I am beginning to doubt whether they exist in this town. I know three fun people in this city, and I think I have exhausted the quota. Anyway I did meet interesting people--one, a fried looking psychotherapist and the other, a consultant on renewable energy. They were also nearest to my age there. I got swamped by three middle-aged women, one in particular had travelled extensively through India i.e. Rajasthan, Kerala and the temples of South India and wherever else you have nice spas and relaxing holiday guarantees. Goa. She asked me sooooooooo many questions and for practically three hours I had to wax eloquent but not too since they'Re not as proficient at English as some of us Indians can be on.....sigh.......the caste system, arranged marriage, the economy, Kashmir (I let my Kashmiri heritage be known hence), Hindus and Muslims (or as anyone outside of India says, 'the Hindi people'), China, North India, why do men in India stare, why are men in Northern India so aggressive. 'O Indian women work in construction carrying those big heavy stones on their head but still they look beautiful in their saris, with their long black hair and beautiful black eyes like yours darling.' Aww Aunty, I want to give you a hug because German men seem to shy too approach me (or women in general) but I still appreciate a specious tokenism.

Eventually I got tired of playing Wikipedia/Lonely Planet for the uninitiated and turned the tables on them. Why are Northern Germans so aloof? Why don't they come up and talk to you if you're sitting alone in a bar or a museum or cafe? How do you make friends with them? Which cities should I visit? Tell me about German white wine. Where do you people go on Sundays when everything (including grocery stores) shut? Why are Sundays like this? And the tough one, given the geographical and cultural difference between Germany and Turkey, how is it that the largest immigrant population you have is Turkish? Also Turkey's a very progressive country, a lot of women don't wear the headscarf why do all the Turkish women I see here wear headscarves? Those last two questions stumped them. Completely. I think because those are difficult questions to answer in your non-native language. Still it shut them up for a while and gave me a chance to sip on my beer. The psychotherapist remarked at the end of the evening, that such a gathering is very atypical of people of the city I'm in since in her experience they don't seem to respond well to big groups. They don't talk to you not because you don't speak German or because you're brown (she said it, not me!) but that's just the way they are. Even if there was another blond-blue-eyed Aryan standing beside them in a bar, they wouldn't strike up a conversation with him because they don't know him.


Weird people. I miss nosey Indians. Not blood-curling eve teasers but the annoying 'Your good name pileej' types. 'Acha company ke liye kaam karte ho. Tankha kitni hai? Aapke Mummy-Papa kya karte hain? Kitne bhai-behen hain? Yahan paida hue thhay? Kahan jaa rahe ho? Mujhe dus crore aur sawaal poochhney hain toh jawaab dete raho......' Ok. Maybe I miss them from afar. But it would be nice if I was in a city where it' ok to strike up a conversation with someone you're sitting beside on the train. Especially if you see him everyday and he's hot and you know he's noticing you. Yeah he was on the train today. Just when I thought I will never see him again there he was, looking at me. We were standing on opposite ends of the platforms, so I casually sauntered up to his side so that we'd be in the same compartment. But dammit! I didn't get to sit with him, nor did I get to look at him throughout. Not like I would talk to him even if I had sat beside him but still, it's nice to have a crush from afar no?
Sigh..............