Making any relationship work means making sacrifices. So I've figured that out. I'd be able to make sacrifices if I knew exactly what I was sacrificing. Thus far I'm game to experience very many things in life and I keep orienting and reorienting my goals to suit that purpose. I fancy myself to have militantly rejected any attempts to define, reify or project my manifest ambitions in to any single identifiable structured stream. But now I know it's time for me to get down on it and give my life some direction. That's just it. Which direction? One that budgets for such frivolities as romance or one that sees hobo becoming Hobo, the achiever thinks she could be? I'm going to wait for a sign. But right now I'm chasing Hobo. Because I have to. Then someday I'll be able to chase romance because I want to. Right now my priorities are such. They're urbanized, commercial and very much material. Romance on the other hand has thus far been ephemeral and unpredictable. I don't think I can handle the excitement.
I'm too jaded for romance and yet I pine for it all day. I have too much foolish pride and too little faith. Or such brittle, vestigial faith that I don't want to risk decimating what is left of it. And the syntax of modern day urban relationships has also changed. People keep shifting, landscapes keep changing, opportunities keep tempting and ambitions keep rising. That, or my commitment phobia remains unchanged. But it's true, the modern day relationship is unlikely to lend itself to such neat and simple taxonomies as "boyfriend-girlfriend". Or "lovers". Everyone I know is in a state of flux and with that flux comes the desire for stability. You see the tension?
Yes, the rest of this post is gone. No, it hasn't just gone I deleted it. My bad.
I'm too jaded for romance and yet I pine for it all day. I have too much foolish pride and too little faith. Or such brittle, vestigial faith that I don't want to risk decimating what is left of it. And the syntax of modern day urban relationships has also changed. People keep shifting, landscapes keep changing, opportunities keep tempting and ambitions keep rising. That, or my commitment phobia remains unchanged. But it's true, the modern day relationship is unlikely to lend itself to such neat and simple taxonomies as "boyfriend-girlfriend". Or "lovers". Everyone I know is in a state of flux and with that flux comes the desire for stability. You see the tension?
Yes, the rest of this post is gone. No, it hasn't just gone I deleted it. My bad.
23 comments:
mahn. you make being jaded for romance sound like a dream come true. thank you. heh.
I want to say a lot, but I'm going to leave it at
I know.
Oh, and hope your body is treating you better now.
You seem to demand too much clarity from reality. Amorphity (neologism) is the name of the game here! Yet, you capture beautifully the tension between the rust and the shine, methinks.
beautifully written....!
The one thing you learn is you'll bounce right back in to it.
I beg to differ. If only...
Your post reminds me of this poem-
The Clod and the Pebble
Love seeketh not Itself to please,
Nor for itself hath any care;
But for another gives its ease,
And builds a Heaven in Hell's despair.
So sang a little Clod of Clay,
Trodden with the cattle's feet:
But a pebble of the brook,
Warbled out these metres meet.
Love seeketh only Self to please,
To bind another to Its delight:
Joys in another's loss of ease,
And builds a Hell in Heaven's despite.
~William Blake
Very beautifully written post.
Yes you will. You'll also fall right back in after.
Whoa how true...we all pine for the most unadulerated emotion :)...does it really exist...just wondering??
Hmmm...we all pine for the most unadulterated emotion all our life...what I wonder is doest it really exist???
sigh
click it
~Al
neat! now hobo, I am just tryinge to figure it all out. You seem to have a mind of your own, you are intelligent, you are independent = and reading through your blog, I can only think of good things about you.
So what puzzels me is, why this sudden love for Feminism? Asking as a man of a certain gereration who doesn't really see gender as an issue, but takes people as they come, easy as a breath.
And what puzzlels me even more, why this association with fakers like Meenakshi Reddy of the Compulsive Confessor fame when most of us humans would easily converse with yoo=
anon: why are you so threatened by feminism? the point of it is to render gender meaningless. but one's got to recognize that even though one may not personally ascribe or adhere to conventional gender roles, our social (political, economic, psychological, sexual) world is defined by it. plus gender theory utilizes very interesting methodologies and is a useful heuristic device in critiquing accepted social totalities.
also i like kicking alpha male ass and apparently that makes me a feminist.
as for eM. i love her to bits and pieces and if you haven't noticed her blog is waayyyyyyy more popular than mine, so most of you aren't actually easily conversing with me.
btw thanks albert, i really like lennox a lot!
hobo, I am not threatned by Feminism, and I kinda think lotsa people are moving beyond Feminism (and anyways, isn't a Feminist just a person threatened by Males?)
btw, I don't care for "heuristic devices in critiquing" and alpha males or females, i love kicking their azzes :-) too.
so the way I think is, there is a lot much more than feminism (or any ideologism) in whatever you have said in your blog so far. and i'll hate to see it getting lost in some type of an umbrage like feminism or any-other-ism. so i agree, let's ignore gender and whatever baggage comes with it, and i speak as a man of a certain gerneration, would rather deal with people as people, and really not representators of a certain gender or whatever type of PC.
kist a little disappointed, thought you were up to a lot more besides feminism and other frames of that kind.
eM is the saas bahu of blogland, you are Discovery Travel & Living, but you are getting caught up in academic claptrap, gender politics is capitalisms mistress, complex and fragmented gender roles only lead to more merchandising to validate them. thats the real issue, validation, since you can afford a mickey mouse degree from london, you will carouse on red wine and meet your international clique of elite kids, but ur at ease with your 'fragmented' pomo self. so you are hedo and hobo, but ur also mickey mouse, u were better off with anju-manju :)
- The Real ANON
@ The Real ANON: What did you just say? I don't get it. Break it down for me don't just take the mickey out of me. Hah!
how do you make a statement as gender politics is capitlaism's mistress, complex and fragmented gender roles can only lead to more merchandizing to validate them.
the heck does that mean!?!
This was bound to happen if you keep changing the font color day-in-and-day-out. And I see the anon has stopped having the daily epiphany. :)
Btw, if you love Lennox you’ll surely love Suzanne Vega too. Listen to her album Beauty & Crime, which I have been devouring nowadays.
chk. this interesting article-http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/world/europe/6245132.stm
and also the cold war articles on right hand side.
Damn,....and I liked the part you deleted better than the rest..ah well
I can really relate to this post. I'm constantly told to snap out of it(especially because i'm a guy itseems). What shit.
Two things. I liked the ending in the original post:( And out of curiosity. Did the couple you spoke about object? Anyway really nice post da. The fatalistic sentiment in the post is something that i could really use right now.
Thanks for visiting my blog today. You write extremely well. You also deleted very efficiently apparently. :)
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