Bollywood. My sole single passion. Bollywood trivia, deriding the Bollywoodens, obsessing over the mafia connections, drawing Bollywood family trees, playing Bollywood Antakshari and of course, watching the movies. Bollywood Antakshari's not for novices. The game's played just as Antakshari except instead of songs you name non-star entities from B-wood. B'grade-wood. And everyone and anyone related to Bollywood can be used. Like Chhota Shakeel. Abu Salem. Bobby Darling. Kuku Kohli. A.K.Hangal. Dheeraj Kumar. Bapi's son Bappa. Rasiklal Dhariwal (CM of Manikchand). Make-up artists. If I'm playing with novices then made-up artists, it's how Pal and I hussle people. And they let us! But people need to learn to appreciate Bollywood for not just the stars. And how can you, has anyone seen what some of our stars look like? Sanjay Dutt who looks like his own liver now. Suniel Shetty who shall forever be Suniel Shitty. And Sunieeeeelllll wassup with the name change brotha?? Tell me is it working? Shah Rukh Khan, a likeable personality but an aggravating actor. He isn't Bollywooden but in my opinion that don't mean he any good. By the bye watched Lage Raho yesterday.........kuchh feel nahin aiyee baap. I didn't sit through the whole movie but the characters were so ill-concieved, the situations so tumid with overdone and inappropriate emotion. Like Jimmy Shergill (I wish he came with molten chocolate coz he is Yummilicious!!!!) confessing to having lost his father's hard-earned fortune on national RADIO! On the eff-ing radio.....Tring! Tring! Hullo? Puppa?...gulp...Puppa, I'm sorry Puppa. We're screwed. I'm sorry. I'm an ingrate who lost all your money. Sorry Puppa. Really. We're hobos now (to be fair it isn't such a bad life as a hobo...)....Sorry Puppa. But Puppa, all's not lost, the whole of Mumbai's tuned in to our family tamasha. Say Hiyeeeeeeee, we're celebrities! Nice na? Idiots. And Vidya Balan. Why do Bollywood script-writers (yes they do have them) always write up such retarded female characters? Basanti wasn't a retard, she was fun and annoying in the way she was meant to be but almost EVERYONE ELSE inspires nay presents themselves as justification for violence against womenkind.
Hmm... which Bollywood female characters have I liked? I'll try a top 6 listing.
Definitely Sridevi's Anju-Manju from Chaalbaaz, it's one of my favourite films in anycase especially the Rohini Hitangadi make-up scene. Hehehe.....and the bhaang song. Arre re re re mujhko sambhalo main chalo, rok sako to rok lo o yaaron main chala, gadbad ho gayi, seeti baj gayi.
Thennnnnnnn..... Smita Patil's Sonbai in Mirch Masala, that's another stellar film and her thappad goonjos (echoes) louder than Dr. Dang's baby! I like movies where women quitely and in a womanly kind of way kick male misogynistic ass. Throwing barrels of intensely fiesty red chilli powder in to gonnabe-wannabe-rapist's eyes is the way to go gurrlllll. Such a powerful movie that I carry chilli powder with me whenever I'm off on one of my Delhi walks. The only worry I have with chilli powder over mace is what if the wind direction changes and it gets blown in to my eyes instead? Then I'd be blind and ready-to-be-molested or in Delhi rapist speak, Dream Girl. Ik shaayar ki ghazal....
Bhakti Bharve's Shobha from Jaane Bhi Do Yaaron. She's manpulative, she isn't slutty, she's smart, she's looking out only for her personal interests, she's an arguably real character. She's as insidious as the men in the film, her boobies and uterus don't necessarily compel her to be the self-sacrificing Mother Earth. Nor is she vehemently evil. She just is, a bitch, seductress (that scene where she seduces Naseer in front of the mirror without taking off any clothes or crudely licking her lips or thrusting her pelvis, nothing. She talks to him, she manipualtes his weakness for her and she does it with her eyes. BIATCH!) And she wears traditional clothing too despite being so jadedly human. Normally as per Bollywood rules, it's when you turn in to a sati-savitri (virgin white. a paragorn of chastity and virtue) you wear salwar-kameezes and saris and all. Like Bhabhis and Ma type characters. And saris toh are for the uber scrupulous varieties, the ones you know God put on earth to vanquish evil. While there here God decided that they should also dress their husbands in shiny white Surf-ki-safedi shirts and crotch-splitting pants. If that don't stop the human race nothing can. I guess penises are the evil that God wants vanquished. That's why I don't believe in God.
Rekha's Manju Dayal from Khoobsurat. What I liked about the movie was everything. All the characters were very understated, real and the rebellion was gentle, quiet and earth-shattering for the matriarch. It was a clash between two matriarchs but that didn't mean that the men in the movie were emasculated sorry-figures, they were regular working guys who just couldn't be arsed to get involved with ghar ka politics. Manju inverts Nirmala's iron-handed rule over the house quietly with humour, through song and dance making her point about respecting individuality and freedom effectively and gracefully. She wasn't a gum chewing, shaggy haired rebel. This was an ordinary girl with two plaids and the slightest aura of natkhatnesss if that makes sense. Saare neeyam todh do, neeyam par chalna chodh do. (Break all the rules, stop living within the rules) 'Twas a cute song about if rules didn't exist fish would fly, birds would swim and chocolates would grow on trees. I'd be a supermodel. Slightly infantile but no matter how old I get I will always wish for non-fattening chocolates to grow on trees. Like mulberries. Did any of you ever go mulberry picking in spring at 7 am with little baskets and all your friends? Shehtoot plucking, trick or treat Indian ishtyle. Aww.....
Urmila's Sarika Vartak from Ek Hasina Thi. I really liked this film especially because it came out of the blue. Just when you thought all women in Bollywood were condemned to be either multiple-costume changing airheaded helium boobed bimbettes or item numbers i.e. doing the same thing in a shorter span of time, out came this movie. Actually at number five I'd say it's a tie between Rekha's Aarti Verma from Khoon Bhari Maang and Sarika Vartak. As revenge movies go it doesn't get more masaaledar than KBM. Remember the dance off between Sonu Walia and Rekha? Waffaaaaaa....... The Amazon-Spider-Woman costume that finally wings it in for Rekha? But Sarika Vartak I liked for the radical transofrmation she undergoes, the self-pity baggage she unloads herself of, for that bitch fight scene in the prison with that monstrous but brilliantly well-cast woman. Actually Ramu movies tend to be well-cast for the most part.
Hmm the last one's gonna be hard to figure because there's Maya Memsaab, Suraj Ka Satvaan Ghoda, Tere Ghar Ke Samne, Damini, Mother India, so many Shabana Azmi and Smita Patil characters. Some more of Dimple Kapadia( Sagar, Rudaali, , Rekha, Hema Malini, some Sharmila Tagore characters like her character in Chori Chori Chupke Chupke, Tanuja, Kajol, Deepti Naval, Tabu.....there have been quite a few over the years. Though not as many if you think of the number of movies. unfortunately I decided to limit myself to just a top 6 and I chose them all from pretty recent movies. Perhaps I just don't remember a lot of the older films I saw, there must be at least one endearing female character from yore. Anyway 6th for me has got to be Shabana Azmi in Masoom. Firstly the movie's director is the man I would have married had I got the chance (and he, his introduction to a tranquilizer gun) instead now he is the homonym of my ideal man. My ideal man is a khakhi kurta, beard and longish hair donning, creatively-inclined genius called Shekhar. I don't know anyone called Shekhar but the love I would shower on a man called Shekhar just for having that name merits serious psychotherapy. And oh! His second name needn't be Kapoor. I'm not too hung up on Punjus besides the best looking Indian men are either Kashmiris or those pretty light eyed Konkanis. Secondly, Azmi essayed the character of an angered, embittered and betrayed wife with a remarkable degree of control and depth. She was hurt and rageful but never shrill, never unjust. I loved the way she gadually comes around, though I wish the ending wasn't so peachy keen. Naseer should have gotten a worse ass kicking than he got, but it's not as if she let him off easy. She's so convincing in expressing her confuzzlement and hurt over how best to express her rage against Naseer or cope with the bastard child whose presence she resents but whose innocence she can't help be moved by.
Who else people? And I know you must be wondering why 6? It was 5. Then I wrote 6 and realised ooops.....and so it's a top 6 list. Besides I was too lazy to profile 10.
Hmm... which Bollywood female characters have I liked? I'll try a top 6 listing.
Definitely Sridevi's Anju-Manju from Chaalbaaz, it's one of my favourite films in anycase especially the Rohini Hitangadi make-up scene. Hehehe.....and the bhaang song. Arre re re re mujhko sambhalo main chalo, rok sako to rok lo o yaaron main chala, gadbad ho gayi, seeti baj gayi.
Thennnnnnnn..... Smita Patil's Sonbai in Mirch Masala, that's another stellar film and her thappad goonjos (echoes) louder than Dr. Dang's baby! I like movies where women quitely and in a womanly kind of way kick male misogynistic ass. Throwing barrels of intensely fiesty red chilli powder in to gonnabe-wannabe-rapist's eyes is the way to go gurrlllll. Such a powerful movie that I carry chilli powder with me whenever I'm off on one of my Delhi walks. The only worry I have with chilli powder over mace is what if the wind direction changes and it gets blown in to my eyes instead? Then I'd be blind and ready-to-be-molested or in Delhi rapist speak, Dream Girl. Ik shaayar ki ghazal....
Bhakti Bharve's Shobha from Jaane Bhi Do Yaaron. She's manpulative, she isn't slutty, she's smart, she's looking out only for her personal interests, she's an arguably real character. She's as insidious as the men in the film, her boobies and uterus don't necessarily compel her to be the self-sacrificing Mother Earth. Nor is she vehemently evil. She just is, a bitch, seductress (that scene where she seduces Naseer in front of the mirror without taking off any clothes or crudely licking her lips or thrusting her pelvis, nothing. She talks to him, she manipualtes his weakness for her and she does it with her eyes. BIATCH!) And she wears traditional clothing too despite being so jadedly human. Normally as per Bollywood rules, it's when you turn in to a sati-savitri (virgin white. a paragorn of chastity and virtue) you wear salwar-kameezes and saris and all. Like Bhabhis and Ma type characters. And saris toh are for the uber scrupulous varieties, the ones you know God put on earth to vanquish evil. While there here God decided that they should also dress their husbands in shiny white Surf-ki-safedi shirts and crotch-splitting pants. If that don't stop the human race nothing can. I guess penises are the evil that God wants vanquished. That's why I don't believe in God.
Rekha's Manju Dayal from Khoobsurat. What I liked about the movie was everything. All the characters were very understated, real and the rebellion was gentle, quiet and earth-shattering for the matriarch. It was a clash between two matriarchs but that didn't mean that the men in the movie were emasculated sorry-figures, they were regular working guys who just couldn't be arsed to get involved with ghar ka politics. Manju inverts Nirmala's iron-handed rule over the house quietly with humour, through song and dance making her point about respecting individuality and freedom effectively and gracefully. She wasn't a gum chewing, shaggy haired rebel. This was an ordinary girl with two plaids and the slightest aura of natkhatnesss if that makes sense. Saare neeyam todh do, neeyam par chalna chodh do. (Break all the rules, stop living within the rules) 'Twas a cute song about if rules didn't exist fish would fly, birds would swim and chocolates would grow on trees. I'd be a supermodel. Slightly infantile but no matter how old I get I will always wish for non-fattening chocolates to grow on trees. Like mulberries. Did any of you ever go mulberry picking in spring at 7 am with little baskets and all your friends? Shehtoot plucking, trick or treat Indian ishtyle. Aww.....
Urmila's Sarika Vartak from Ek Hasina Thi. I really liked this film especially because it came out of the blue. Just when you thought all women in Bollywood were condemned to be either multiple-costume changing airheaded helium boobed bimbettes or item numbers i.e. doing the same thing in a shorter span of time, out came this movie. Actually at number five I'd say it's a tie between Rekha's Aarti Verma from Khoon Bhari Maang and Sarika Vartak. As revenge movies go it doesn't get more masaaledar than KBM. Remember the dance off between Sonu Walia and Rekha? Waffaaaaaa....... The Amazon-Spider-Woman costume that finally wings it in for Rekha? But Sarika Vartak I liked for the radical transofrmation she undergoes, the self-pity baggage she unloads herself of, for that bitch fight scene in the prison with that monstrous but brilliantly well-cast woman. Actually Ramu movies tend to be well-cast for the most part.
Hmm the last one's gonna be hard to figure because there's Maya Memsaab, Suraj Ka Satvaan Ghoda, Tere Ghar Ke Samne, Damini, Mother India, so many Shabana Azmi and Smita Patil characters. Some more of Dimple Kapadia( Sagar, Rudaali, , Rekha, Hema Malini, some Sharmila Tagore characters like her character in Chori Chori Chupke Chupke, Tanuja, Kajol, Deepti Naval, Tabu.....there have been quite a few over the years. Though not as many if you think of the number of movies. unfortunately I decided to limit myself to just a top 6 and I chose them all from pretty recent movies. Perhaps I just don't remember a lot of the older films I saw, there must be at least one endearing female character from yore. Anyway 6th for me has got to be Shabana Azmi in Masoom. Firstly the movie's director is the man I would have married had I got the chance (and he, his introduction to a tranquilizer gun) instead now he is the homonym of my ideal man. My ideal man is a khakhi kurta, beard and longish hair donning, creatively-inclined genius called Shekhar. I don't know anyone called Shekhar but the love I would shower on a man called Shekhar just for having that name merits serious psychotherapy. And oh! His second name needn't be Kapoor. I'm not too hung up on Punjus besides the best looking Indian men are either Kashmiris or those pretty light eyed Konkanis. Secondly, Azmi essayed the character of an angered, embittered and betrayed wife with a remarkable degree of control and depth. She was hurt and rageful but never shrill, never unjust. I loved the way she gadually comes around, though I wish the ending wasn't so peachy keen. Naseer should have gotten a worse ass kicking than he got, but it's not as if she let him off easy. She's so convincing in expressing her confuzzlement and hurt over how best to express her rage against Naseer or cope with the bastard child whose presence she resents but whose innocence she can't help be moved by.
Who else people? And I know you must be wondering why 6? It was 5. Then I wrote 6 and realised ooops.....and so it's a top 6 list. Besides I was too lazy to profile 10.
13 comments:
finally, back in action. great single passion huh? you definitely have plenty of trivia in stock. bappi's son is bappa??
Ayyo!
not much of a bollywood fan, but did like mirch masala a lot. deepti naval's character was pretty cool, locked up in the house all alone but all that rage... anita kanwar in thoda sa rumani hojaae.
what happened to your hard-on post?
maya memsaab!!! naa naa munna galat jawaab
Hobo: I found this via your comment on Szelerem's feminism post.
I have to say that the make-up scene in Chaalbaaz is definitely in my Top 5 Bollywood Scenes Of All Time. In fact, I have never laughed as much as an 8 year old, except maybe for the Demello (sp?) 'cake khao' scene in JBDY. And, I've rarely seen Sridevi so radiant and comfortable in her acting skin.
However, the dead pomeranian scene in Chaalbaaz is probably one of my Top 5 Worst Bollywood Scenes Of All Time, along with the little girl picking up the bomb-harbouring evil teddy bear in Mr. India.
-Surly
you sound like Bombaywoodian!
do you write about movies often?
i mean apart from this blog.
@PC: Deepti's character in Mirch Masala was brilliant no. I met her in London once, fleetingly she's the original surly girl in a corner and eye bags that would need a titanium strapped bra to hold them up.
@Jhantu: Maya Memsaab was a mast film and in the days when SRK wasn't annoying.
@Surly Girl in the Corner: I like the 'Oye Demello acha sports car haegi' scene sooooooooo much. The Mahabharat scene. The bandaging scene from Amar Akbar Anthony. I dunno fi you folks have seen the Bollywood adaptation of La Dolce Vita, 'Manoranjan'. Sanjeev Kumar at his best, goya ne chuman ke! But yeah when Bollywood gets it wrong it gets it bloody wrong. I rewatched Sarkai Liyo on youtube after years. I was in 7th grade then and didn't quite understand the hungama now wen I watch it I' just apalled. Raja Babu is definitely the worst Bollywod extended moment of the 90s.
@Jerry: I am a Bollywood Private Investigator. All that Stardust says is true. And my predictions coem true as well.
@Whitelight: No da. Did you think I was Komal Nahata? Haha. No don't write about movies.
Yesh yesh yesh Offcossly.
Funny first half!
I just remembered the "Preetam aan milo...ABEY preetam aan milo" scene in Angoor! Hay-soos that was a fantastic movie.
I am jealous about both you meeting Deepti and being in London. It's my mostest favouritest city in the world. What do you do there?
This really wasn't a bollywoodian post.... Some "Neo Con" Feminists Post I do say...If ever Don Rummsie the dude got around to your agenda I do say he do be proud....(though i think Bush did aver that Umrican women did find him to use hobo speak "yummy" ) At the risk of being roasted alive...The Unsane
@UnSane: You're alive aryapurash? And you'll stay alive despite the silly comment.
@PC: going for blues tonight da! there's this very young, but genius, guitarist there. incredibly good looking, younger version of brad pitt actually and he always smiles at me. he's 19 but when he smiles i behave like a fucking 12 yr old giggly-headed girl. even when i'm on zivania's arm! aaj i am praying that i manage to behave better.
alive but barely kicking.Bloody cows all moooowing me ...and i must say you have developed quite a following in blogsville.... all birds of a feather eh!!!
And eM dahlings moving out of sadi dilli....snif snif
@UnSane: Thank God eM's moving. You have to leave the nest at least once yaar. Life shouldn't all be TCs and Lodi. There's soooooooooooooo much more out there, so many more types of people, cultures, architecture, lifestyles. Diversity. You've got to move, got to see as much as you can that's what life's about. If I could afford it I'd be an itinerant all life long.
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